Great Truths about Life that Little Children Have Learned
- No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
- When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
- Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
- You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
- Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
- Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Puppies still have bad breath, even after eating a tic-tac.
- Never hold a Dust Buster and a cat at the same time.
- School lunches stick to the wall.
- You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Don't wear polka dot underwear under white shorts.
- The best place to be when you're sad is Grandma's lap.
Great Truths about Life that Adults Have Learned
- Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
- There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, think how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
- One reason to smile is that every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
- Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
- The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere...and let the air out of their tires.
- Families are like fudge... mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
- Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
- Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
- Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
- Your mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
- If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
Great Truths about Life that Older Folks Have Learned
- Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
- Insanity may be your only means of relaxation.
- Forget the health food. You need all the preservatives you can get.
- When you stoop to tie your shoes, do everything you can while you're down there.
- Women over fifty don't have babies because if they put them down somewhere they may forget where they left them.
- A 2-pound box of candy will make you gain 5 pounds.
- You now know all the answers, but nobody asks you the questions.
- You finally get your head together, and your body falls apart.
- Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
- The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.
- Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
- You no sooner get used to today, when tomorrow comes along.
- Sometimes you think you understand everything; then you regain consciousness.
- If you hang something in your closet for a while, it shrinks two sizes.
- It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
- Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
- Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but he/she can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
EXTRA: The four stages of life
- You believe in Santa Claus.
- You don't believe in Santa Claus.
- You are Santa Claus.
- You look like Santa Claus.